Wadadli Mag

A new year often signals new goals. Whether or not we believe in the ritual of setting “resolutions,” the turning of the calendar gives us another chance to take a fresh shot at life. Yet achieving meaningful goals doesn’t begin with action alone—it starts with preparing your mind.

We reached out to Dr. Lennox Doran, a psychologist, to gain insight into healthy approaches to pursuing goals and managing setbacks.

Question: How can a person set realistic goals?

Dr. Doran: From a psychological standpoint, realistic goals protect mental health by reducing chronic stress, shame, and burnout.

Break goals into micro-steps as large goals can overwhelm the nervous system. Small, achievable steps create momentum and release dopamine, reinforcing motivation.

Clarify your values before your goals
Ask: What truly matters to me right now? Goals aligned with personal values (family, stability, health, growth) are more sustainable than goals driven by comparison or pressure.

Use the SMART framework (but gently)
Goals should be:

• Specific – clear and defined.
• Measurable – progress can be tracked.
• Achievable – within current capacity.
• Relevant – meaningful to your life.
• Time-bound – flexible, not rigid.
  Mental health improves when goals are challenging but attainable, not perfectionistic.

• Account for your current season. Your goals should reflect your emotional, financial, and physical reality—not your ideal self. A person recovering from stress, grief, or burnout needs different goals than someone in a stable season.

Question: How can one stay on track or get back on track amid setbacks, tragedy, or financial issues?

Dr. Doran: Psychology recognizes that setbacks activate the brain’s threat response, making clarity and motivation harder.

• Normalize disruption- Setbacks do not mean failure—they mean life happened. Removing self-judgment reduces anxiety and shame, which otherwise block problem-solving.
• Shift from “Why me?” to “What now?”
  This reframes the brain from emotional reactivity to adaptive planning.
• Maintain anchors, not pressure.
  During hard seasons, consistency matters more than intensity. Focus on:

• Sleep
• Nutrition
• One stabilizing routine
• One supportive relationship.
• Adjust the timeline, not the goal. Trauma or financial stress may require pausing—but pausing is not quitting. Flexibility preserves hope.
• Seek support early. Psychologically, isolation intensifies distress. Talking with a trusted person or professional reduces emotional overload and improves coping capacity.

Question: How can we cope with failure?

Dr. Doran: Failure often triggers shame, not just disappointment. Healthy coping reframes failure as data, not identity.

• Separate behaviour from identity. Failing at something does not make you a failure. Language matters—speak about what happened, not who you are.
• Allow emotional processing before problem-solving. Suppressing disappointment increases emotional buildup. Name the emotion: sadness,
  frustration, grief, anger.
• Use cognitive reappraisal. Ask:
• What did this experience teach me?
• What was outside my control?
• What would I do differently next time?

This creates learning rather than rumination. Dr. Doran suggests that during times of failure, you practice self- compassion as this increases resilience more than criticism. Additionally, he says that redefining success may also be helpful as success includes growth, effort, and wisdom gained- not just outcomes.

Question: How can a person re-strategize after life changes or failure?

Dr. Doran: Re-strategizing is a psychological skill rooted in adaptability and realistic self-assessment.

Build resilience buffers. Before moving forward again, strengthen:

• Emotional regulation skills.
• Financial literacy (if needed).
• Support systems.
• Healthy routines.
  This prevents repeated burnout.

Conduct a “mental reset.” Pause before planning. Chronic stress impairs judgment. Rest restores executive functioning (decision-making and focus).

Review what worked and what didn’t—without blame
Objectively assess:

• Resources available.
• Energy level.
• Skills.
• External limitations.
  This leads to wiser strategies.

Update your goals to match your capacity
Capacity fluctuates. Re-strategizing means aligning goals with who you are now, not who you were before the setback.

Focus on what you can control
Psychological stability increases when attention is placed on actions you can control, not outcomes you can’t.

Question: How to manage stress and avoid being overwhelmed while pursuing goals?

Dr. Doran: 1. Regulate stress before you manage goals. Stress impairs attention, memory, and decision-making. When stress is high, productivity drops.

Focus first on calming the nervous system.

• Practice slow breathing (inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6 seconds) for 2–3 minutes.
• Take brief movement breaks (walking, stretching).
• Reduce caffeine during high-stress periods. A regulated nervous system creates clarity; an overwhelmed one creates confusion.

2. Break Goals Into Manageable Psychological Units
   Large goals activate the brain’s threat response, which leads to avoidance.
   Use micro-goals. Break goals into steps that can be done in 15–45 minutes. Focus on the next right action, not the entire outcome and celebrate completion, not perfection.
   
3. Distinguish Between Healthy Pressure and Harmful
   Stress
   Not all stress is bad. The problem is chronic, unmanaged stress.
   Ask: Is this stress helping me focus or draining me? Am I driven by purpose or fear? When fear or urgency dominates, it’s time to slow down and reassess expectations.

4. Set Boundaries Around Time, Energy, and Expectations
Many people become overwhelmed because they pursue goals without protecting their mental bandwidth.

• Limit how many major goals you pursue at once (1–3 max).
• Schedule rest as intentionally as work.
• Learn to say no to non-essential demands.
  Boundaries are not laziness—they are mental health tools.

5. Use Flexible Planning Instead of Rigid Control
Rigid plans increase anxiety when life doesn’t cooperate.
Plan with options, not ultimatums.

• Create Plan A, B, and C.
• Adjust timelines instead of abandoning goals.
• Expect interruptions- they are a part of reality.

Flexibility reduces stress and increases long- term follow- through.

Regularly ask:

• Why does this goal matter to me?
• How does this align with my values?
  Meaningful goals create energizing stress, not draining stress.

Dr. Doran says pursuing goals should stretch you—not suffocate you. Stress becomes harmful when goals are chased at the expense of rest, emotional regulation, and self-respect.

Sustainable success comes from balance, flexibility, and psychological awareness, not constant pressure.

Mental health is not about never falling—it’s about recovering with wisdom, self-respect, and flexibility.